franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
