Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
