U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
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