You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
