What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
