had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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