wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
high people should be assigned attendants
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
