Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
