I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
