I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
