the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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