you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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