We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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