Screwed.edu
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
