CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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