Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
