Kiss
Puke
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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