I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
