tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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