Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
