That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
