This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
