I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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