Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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