the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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