I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
