She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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