So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I could make wine with my vomit
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
