He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize