Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
