possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
