So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
pray to the hookup gods
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize