I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dick very happy bro
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
