I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This is classic penis vs brain.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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