I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize