dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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