Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
