It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
