Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
