Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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