glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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