he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
