problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
