I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
