grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
