I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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