Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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