one two three fourrrrnication!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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