i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
