you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It was like giving head to a cactus.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You can't just leave with hair like that
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
