Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
