Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
