Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
