so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
