When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize