I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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