i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
