Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
