I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
They took my balls.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
