Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
