You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just googled if crying burns calories
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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