he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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