A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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