you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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