sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
