there's paper in my vomit.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
