So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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