I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Vodka?
Forever.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
