3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
