I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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