hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
