i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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