how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
