Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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